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Walk in Remembrance
& Butterfly Release
June 6th
10:00am-2:00pm
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What is Grief?
When your child dies
- It is not the "natural
course" of life for parents to outlive their children.
- The death of a child
causes overwhelming emotional pain.
- The number of years
lived does not make a child’s death any easier.
- The labour of grief
demands more energy than you ever imagined.
- "Your grief will take
longer than most people think" (Rando, T.A., 1988); and much longer
than society allows.
- Your grief will affect
you psychologically, socially and physically.
- Your life will be
changed forever. "It’s not that you won’t be happy again. It’s
simply that you won’t be exactly the same as you were before the
death" (Wolfelt, A., 1991).
- You will grieve for
both the past and a lost future.
Grief is the sorrow, hurt, anger, guilt,
confusion and other feelings that arise after a loss.
Grief
is experienced in three major ways:
- Psychologically —
through your feelings, thoughts and attitudes
- Socially — through
your behaviour with others
- Physically — through
your health and bodily symptoms
Perhaps you have noticed some of these in yourself, your spouse or
your children.
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Emotional Reactions |
Behavioural Reactions |
Physical Reactions |
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Numbness |
Searching |
Deep sighing |
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Confusion |
Detachment |
Weakness and
fatigue |
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Sadness |
Disoriented |
Rapid
heartbeat |
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Guilt |
Withdrawal |
Increased
activity |
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Yearning |
Unable to
concentrate |
Decreased
activity |
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Anger |
Forgetful |
Muscular
tension |
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Hopelessness |
Crying |
Sleep
disturbances |
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Bitterness |
Lack of
spontaneity |
Weight
changes |
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Despair |
Apathy
regarding future |
Appetite
changes |
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Peacefulness |
Blameful of
others |
Increased
sensory awareness |
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Euphoria |
Seeking
solitude |
Decreased
immune resistance |
Grief is a continuing
development, involving many changes over time. It will come and go and
appear different at times.
Grief is a natural expectable
reaction. In fact, the absence of it (when a loss is experienced) is
abnormal in most cases.
Grief
is the reaction to all kinds of losses, not just death.
Grief
is based upon your own unique, individualistic perception of the
loss. It is not necessary for you to have the loss recognized or
validated by others for you to experience grief.
Bereavement is the state or
condition caused by loss through death.
Mourning concerns the ways in
which we express our grief. Mourning is influenced by culture and may
include attending funerals, wearing black or having a celebration in
memory of your loved one.
Potential problems that may surface:
Marital tension:
Bear in mind that no two people grieve in the same way, this is
especially true for bereaved couples. Be sensitive to one another, but
be aware that is hard to be a support to someone when you are doubled
over with your own pain. If possible share your feelings, while allowing
each other to grieve in their own way.
Surviving siblings: Remember that
your surviving siblings are suffering, just as you are suffering. They
will need the reassurance that they too are loved and cherished, just as
much their brother or sister that died.
Decision making: Avoid making
serious decisions and changes (i.e., moving, clearing out your child’s
belongings) when newly bereaved. What now may feel like too much too
bear, may become those cherished memories of tomorrow.
Communicating: Many bereaved
families suffer in silence. Because your family is bereaved does not
mean that you have all become mind readers. Communicating your needs
with each other can eliminate some unnecessary hurt and pain. You
already hurt enough.
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